


I Don’t Know Where to Go (From Here)

by seekrest



Series: Spideychelle Week 2020 [1]
Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: (Peter has a lot of feelings), Existential Angst, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hopeful Ending, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Road Trips, canon nudged to the left
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:14:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24841375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seekrest/pseuds/seekrest
Summary: Michelle’s on her third cup of tea, cycling through her flashcards for chemistry when she hears her phone buzz.Peter: What are you doing right now?
Relationships: Michelle Jones & Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones/Peter Parker
Series: Spideychelle Week 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1796938
Comments: 52
Kudos: 128
Collections: Spideychelle Week 2020





	I Don’t Know Where to Go (From Here)

Michelle’s on her third cup of tea, cycling through her flashcards for chemistry when she hears her phone buzz.

 **Peter** : What are you doing right now?

Michelle smirks when she sees the text message, grabbing her phone and quickly typing up a response. 

**MJ** : studying for chem. better question is what are YOU doing right now? Aren’t you supposed to be studying?

The text bubbles light up immediately, Michelle leaning back in her desk chair as she takes her headphones out. She can hear her dad humming some song in the kitchen, her mom chatting on the phone somewhere else in the apartment.

It was comforting, warm - the kind of feeling that she was going to miss when she graduated and moved to school. But she’d never get there if she didn’t pass all her final exams, holding back a laugh when she reads Peter’s next message. 

**Peter** : i am but i got an idea

 **MJ** : sounds like trouble

 **Peter** : you always say that

 **MJ** : im always right

The text bubbles on Peter’s end start, stop then start again, Michelle laughing to herself as she checks the time. 

It was three pm on a Saturday afternoon, peak studying time but _also_ the exact time frame when all Michelle really wanted to do was take a nap. Senior year sucked in more ways than one and as much as she usually welcomed the distraction when it came to Peter’s harebrained ideas, this wasn’t a finals week that she could really blow off. 

Her acceptance to Harvard had felt like a given to everyone but her, to the point where Michelle was glad that even if that hurdle was finally over - she still couldn’t shake the feeling that she was going to somehow bomb her final exams and retroactively get rejected. Her nightmares now revolved around it, the anxiety of opening up her email only to find out that the admissions counselors had all made a mistake and that she actually _wasn’t_ accepted into the school of her dreams.

Well, most of her nightmares at least. 

Peter’s next message comes in, throwing her out of her thoughts. 

**Peter** : what if we went to a concert tonight?

Michelle raised an eyebrow, scoffing as she goes to type up a rebuttal only for another message to immediately pop up.

 **Peter** : and before you say no, hear me out

 **Peter** : we’re graduating in like… two weeks

 **Peter** : we’ve been studying for like a month nonstop

 **Peter** : and we’re not really gonna have a summer. not together. ned’s leaving for the Philippines like RIGHT after graduation, you got that internship in LA and I’ll be busy doing spider-man stuff

Michelle raised an eyebrow, recognition dawning on her as her phone buzzes again.

 **Peter** : i just wanna do something fun before it all ends you know?

Michelle did know and could see right through Peter’s excuses for what they were. It was true, they all had busy plans for the summer and neither her, Ned or Peter had really spent any _real_ time together in the past month as they prepared for the end of their high school careers.

But Michelle can read between the lines, can _feel_ Peter’s desperation in the text - recognizing that it wasn’t just the past month or the summer months ahead that was bothering him, but rather what was going to happen in the fall and beyond.

Michelle was Harvard bound and Ned was going to MIT, but Peter was staying in the city - getting into ESU by the skin of his teeth and a glowing recommendation letter from Pepper Potts. 

Peter was arguably the smartest of the three of them - even if Michelle would never openly admit it - but being Spider-Man had prevented him from fully showing that, in more ways than one.

And while Peter had told the two of them, May and anyone else that asked that he was more than okay with sticking in the city, that ESU was a good school in its own right and that getting to live in New York would work better for Spider-Man anyway, there was a part of Michelle that wondered how much Peter regretted the life that he’d chosen for himself. 

He’d never admit it, Michelle knew that - just as much as she knew that there was nothing less than death itself would ever stop Peter from being Spider-Man.

That thought alone filled out the rest of Michelle’s nightmares.

She pushed that away, taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly as she considered how to respond. 

They needed to study. No matter how smart they all were, Midtown final exams for seniors were _brutal_ and history had proved that they didn’t care about college admissions decisions when it came to testing their students. 

But listening to her dad singing in the background, glancing at the time and the recognition that her days of being in high school were numbered - she took a leap, pursing her lips before typing out a reply. 

**MJ** : what’s the plan?

* * *

“When you said that you wanted to go to a concert, I didn’t think you meant in _Boston_ ,” Michelle said as they pulled up in front of Ned’s apartment complex, Peter grinning at her from the driver’s seat. 

“Come on MJ, it’ll be fun. Besides, it’ll give you a taste of what college’s gonna be like.”

“I won’t _get_ to college if I don’t pass,” Michelle quips, the smile on Peter’s face giving way to an exaggerated eye roll. 

“Please,” he says with a smirk, nodding to the direction of Ned’s apartment building as Michelle follows his line of sight, seeing Ned’s exuberant wave as he makes their way to May’s car, “you’re gonna be valedictorian. There’s no _way_ you’ll fail.”

“Easily could’ve been you if you actually turned your homework on time.”

Peter shrugs as Ned opens the door, Ned sliding into the backseat as Peter says, “Priorities, Em. I think the people of New York care more about lizard people taking over the subways than my physics grade.”

“There’s _lizard_ people now?” Ned asks incredulously, closing the door behind him. “Dude, when did that happen?”

Peter laughs, signaling he was moving out of his parked position and merging with traffic as he says, “Nah just the one lizard person. Still haven’t seen any turtles though.”

“Statistically, it’s always possible,” Ned says as he buckles up, Michelle rolling her eyes as she puts her elbow up, leaning against the door as Ned continues, “I mean you were bit by a radioactive spider so--”

“Radioactive turtles,” Peter and Ned say in unison, Peter glancing up at Ned’s reflection through the rearview mirror as Michelle sighs.

“This was a terrible idea. I can’t believe I agreed to do this,” she mutters, seeing Peter’s smirk out of the corner of her eye.

“Come on Em, you know you’re gonna miss this,” he says with a smile, even if Michelle can see the slight tinge of sadness in his eyes. 

She would, Michelle knew that. Becoming friends with the two of them sophomore year had been one of the better decisions of her life thus far, even if it was mostly prompted from her unbearable and embarrassing crush on Peter Parker and a need to excavate it by becoming closer to him.

Her crush didn’t really go away from knowing Peter, only magnified. A terrible miscalculation of the allure of Peter Parker, especially since her original aim had been to uncover some deep, dark, terrible secret that would prove to her once and for all that people like Peter Parker weren’t nearly as nice as they pretended to be.

What she learned instead is that Peter was Spider-Man. That he’d lost his parents. His uncle. The crush lingered in the background but was easily tempered with what she had with Peter now, a genuine friendship both him and Ned - two nerds that now she’d go to the ends of the world for. 

Or at the very least, to Boston and back in one night. 

Michelle smirked, nodding her head before saying, “Yeah nerd, I will.”

* * *

“We’re lost.”

“We’re not _lost_ , MJ we’re taking the scenic route,” Peter says assuredly, Ned leaning forward from his position in the backseat. 

“That’s another word for lost, Peter. You were supposed to take that last right,” Ned says, Michelle glancing over to him as he looked down to the GPS on his phone screen.

He glances up from the phone, sharing a look with Michelle before glancing out to the front mirror. “This looks like the beginning of a horror movie.”

Michelle follows his line of sight, looking out to the dark and winding road. It _did_ look like the start of a horror movie, the kind of cheesy, horrible ones that Michelle secretly loved even if they were cliche. 

“I changed my mind, this was a great idea,” she says, Peter laughing at the two of them as Ned groans. 

“If I die before graduation, I’m coming back to haunt both your asses.” 

Michelle turns back, looking at Ned with a smile on her face before saying, “I’d be mad at you forever if you didn’t.”

“None of us are going to die,” Peter says quickly, Michelle shifting her attention back to him as he turns the music back up, “Come on guys, we’ll be fine.” 

Michelle doesn’t have to look back to Ned to guess what his face must look like now, Michelle eyeing Peter carefully before pressing her lips together - looking back out to the dark, winding road in front of them. 

She’d been friends with Peter for nearly two years now and yet there were still things they never talked about, still parts of his world and his life that he refused to talk about with anyone - not even Ned. 

Whatever had happened to the world had been big enough that half of the Avengers had died to save it, Michelle remembering all too well the day that had changed everything for Peter.

One minute she was in her room, holding a cup of tea and in the next it was like the world had skipped - Michelle’s body careening forward and tea spilling on the floor, the weirdest sense of deja vu crawling all over as she looked around.

She still wasn’t sure of the details, none of them were - but she knew enough of Peter by now to guess that whatever had happened, it was enough that three months later - his eyes still held a haunted look in them when he thought no one else was looking.

The unexplainable death of Tony Stark, Captain America and the rest of them had been unexpected but Michelle didn’t care about them so much as she cared about their absence affected Peter - remembering what it had been like in the weeks after whatever that ‘blip’ in existence had been, Peter walking around like he was a zombie. 

Neither her nor Ned knew the full extent of what had happened and promised each other they’d never press on it. 

But sitting in relative silence, save for the sounds of some pop song that Michelle couldn’t stand, she began to wonder if that had been a mistake after all. 

* * *

“We made it!” Peter says exuberantly, turning the car off as Michelle let out of a laugh.

“Yeah, but at what cost? You _suck_ at parallel parking, Parker,” she says, Ned laughing in the background as Peter scowls.

“I don’t _suck_ , the streets here suck. You guys chose a terrible city to go to school in,” he says with a huff, the three of them exiting the car and locking the doors behind them. 

“You’re the one who wanted to drive up here,” Ned says plainly, Michelle throwing him a high five as Peter rolls his eyes. “I told you that my mom said it was fine if I took her car.”

“No, May said I needed to practice anyway. Especially if I’m going to be making this drive in the fall,” Peter says quietly, both Michelle and Ned sharing a look. Peter seems to realize his admission, putting a smile on his face before saying, “Now I know _not_ to take the creepy side road that says it’ll be a short cut. See? Problem solved.”

Michelle goes to say something further only for Peter to point out to the warehouse that they were supposed to be walking toward. “I think the concert’s supposed to be over there.”

He walks ahead of them, Ned and Michelle both scrambling to catch up with him as Ned shoots her a look.

Neither of them can bother whispering knowing Peter’s super hearing, but she’s been friends with Ned long enough to read his facial expressions just as much as she can read Peter’s. 

_Something’s going on with him_ , Ned’s eyebrow raise seems to imply, Michelle rolling her eyes as they walk forward. 

Michelle knew that, just as well as Ned did. But they couldn’t very well talk about how to handle it just then, not with Peter walking with nearly inhuman speed and having the kind of super hearing powers that made Michelle’s own brain hurt to think about. 

The two of them rush after Peter, only for him to be arguing with an intimidating looking bouncer who stares menacingly at him. 

“What do you mean we’re not allowed in?”

“Students only.” He says, nearly growling as Michelle and Ned walk up to Peter.

“We’re students,” Michelle says cooly, the guy’s attention shifting from Peter to her. 

“ _College_ students,” he clarifies, his voice just as gravely and severe as it was just moments before. 

“We _will_ be college students in like… three months,” Ned says unhelpfully, both Peter and Michelle shooting him a look only for him to realize his mistake as the bouncer shakes his head.

“You gotta show a valid college ID or you don’t get in,” he says, folding his arms together, “those are the rules.”

“Come on man, we drove four hours to get here,” Peter says, Michelle catching the pleading in his voice as the man just stares him down.

She watches the two of them, a stand off that Peter - for as relatively intimidating as he looks outside of the Spider-Man suit - sends a chill down her spine for how determined he looks. 

His eyes are fiercely locked onto the bouncer’s, fists clenched and his whole posture put into the defensive. 

But the bouncer is completely unphased, Peter being the first to break as he sighs loudly and says, “Fine. Come on guys, let’s go.”

“Wait, Peter--”

“Just forget it, let’s go. This was a bad idea,” Peter spits out, Michelle frowning as he turns and walks away.

Michelle walks after him, Ned in tow as they strive to catch up, Michelle hearing Peter mutter, “Good ole Parker luck strikes again.”

“You didn’t check to see if there were restrictions on who could go _before_ we left?” Michelle asks, Peter whipping around with a scowl on his face.

“It’s not like there was a website for it. I just saw a couple of tweets about it and--”

“We drove four hours for some _tweets_?” Ned squeaks, Michelle wondering how much of a colossal mistake this had been in the first place as Ned continues, “Peter what were you thinking?”

“I wasn’t apparently. God, I can never get anything right can I?” Peter nearly yells, waving a hand around. “It’s fine. I’m sorry guys, I shouldn’t have dragged you guys all the way out here. This was stupid. I’m sorry.”

“What’s going on with you?” Michelle asks, taking a step forward as Peter stares at the two of them. “I know everything’s been stressful lately but--”

Peter cuts her off with a laugh, a sharp, bitter sound that causes Michelle’s stomach to clench as he says, “Yeah, you’re telling me. I just wanted to do one thing, _one_ thing right and I didn’t… I couldn’t even…”

He trails off, rubbing a hand over his face before shaking his head.

“Forget it. I’m sorry guys, let’s go home.”

“Peter, talk to us,” Ned says, taking another step forward as Michelle follows suit. “What’s going on, man?”

Peter looks defiant for a second, Michelle catching the mixture of emotions that fly across his face.

“It’s nothing. I’m just-- it’s been a long day and this was a mistake. I shouldn’t have dragged you guys here to begin with.” 

“Peter,” Michelle begins carefully, “you really think Ned and I wanted to see some concert for a band neither of us listen to?” 

Peter blinks, eyes shifting between the two of them as Michelle presses forward. “We came because of _you_.”

Peter blinks again, Michelle catching the unmistakable tears in his eyes as both her and Ned take another step forward - only inches away from him as she whispers, “What’s going on Pete?”

He takes a shaky breath, Ned gently resting a hand on his shoulder. It’s all he needs to break down, Peter’s shoulders almost collapsing in on himself as he begins to sob. 

* * *

“It happened so fast.”

Michelle’s silent as she shares another glance at Ned, Peter sitting between the two of them as he stares off into the distance - the three of them sitting on the hood of May’s car.

Michelle had taken the lead in driving them out of the city, just enough so that they could get away from listening ears. Now, parked in one of the parking lots of a quiet gas station in the middle of nowhere - Peter stared off into the darkness and unloaded everything.

Whatever Michelle had happened, whatever her imagination had tried to put together for what Peter had gone through - none if it captured the horrifying reality.

That Peter hadn’t just fought with the Avengers but had flown off into _space_ , a battle that hadn’t happened in the instant it felt like but was prolonged over _months_ on an alien planet.

That the fight had been long, drawn out and painful - Peter’s senses sending him into overdrive the longer and the harder they fought, trying to gain the upperhand in a losing battle.

That Peter and the rest of the Avengers had been subjected to the universe being wiped out - over and over again - only to resume the day’s events because of a time loop by a wizard. 

That the price of their failures meant that every time they messed up, billions of people died - until Tony Stark had finally ended the loop by sacrificing himself. 

Michelle couldn’t even _begin_ to fathom how hellish everything had been for Peter, much less the revelation that the price of saving the universe had resulted in no one being aware that anything had happened at all. 

Peter was too _young_ to carry that burden - of the universe, of yet another person in his life dying right in front of him. And now for as excited as she was to get started on the rest of her life, miles outside of the city that would be her new home for the next four years, all Michelle could think of in the moment was how much more terrible it was for Peter in this instance. 

From what she could gather, Peter hadn’t just seen death but had experienced it himself - the worst of the time loops being the one where Peter had died before it all got rebooted once more. 

It made perfect sense why Peter had been so jumpy lately, constantly on edge when he wasn’t walking around a zombie.

It also made even more sense why May was okay with him driving off with Michelle and Ned to Boston for a random adventure - barely eighteen but clearly in need of some emotional comfort that only friends could give.

Something hitches in Michelle’s heart at that, the reminder that her and Peter were friends and nothing more. Whatever crush she has on him, whatever feelings brimming under the surface, she can’t bring that on him now - not when he’s pouring out his heart to the two of them, bare and raw in a way that Michelle gets the sense he does even less than she does. 

“I wish…” Peter begins, sighing as he lays down onto the hood of the car. Ned and Michelle mirror his actions, the three of them staring up into the sky. 

“I wish I’d never gone.”

“To space?” Ned asks quietly, Peter shaking his head.

“To Oscorp,” Peter says, Michelle turning her head to look at him.

His face is towards the sky but even from this angle, Michelle can tell his eyes aren’t gazing out into the sky but elsewhere - a whole world flashing behind his dark brown eyes as he says, “If I hadn’t gone to Oscorp, Ben would still be here. I wouldn’t have been Spider-Man, Mr. Stark wouldn’t have taken me to Germany. Maybe…” Peter takes a deep breath, closing his eyes. “Maybe things would’ve gone differently.”

“Yeah,” Michelle says, “maybe someone else would’ve gotten bit.”

“Could’ve been me,” Ned says, “I wondered where you had gone that day. I would’ve been bored without you.”

Michelle smirks, turning her head back up to the sky. “Can you imagine if Flash had gotten bit?”

They all involuntarily shudder before laughing, a much needed moment of levity that releases some of the pressure that had been building in Michelle’s chest.

It falls back down to a comfortable quiet before Peter quietly whispers, “I don’t wish it didn’t happen.”

Michelle turns back to Peter, seeing the tears starting to form in his eyes. She can see it so clearly, how vulnerable he’d been tonight - how much he had carried with him and how lonely the next few months without them must look to him. 

She does something impulsive, slipping her hand into his - a movement that Peter has to sense coming because of his spider-senses but doesn’t move away from, turning his head towards her. 

They stare at each other for a beat, Peter smiling softly as he interlocks his fingers with hers, a smile on Michelle’s face as Ned says, “We know, Pete. But… you’re not alone, you know that right?”

Peter stares into Michelle’s eyes, a look in them that she doesn’t recognize but wants to, squeezing his hand gently. 

Nothing was going to change between the two of them - not yet, not now. Peter’s pain was still raw, his grief too all-consuming. She was leaving for Los Angeles in a few weeks and then off to college in the fall. 

But there’s something in the look in his eye that makes her wonder if her crush had really been all that one-sided, a sense of promise between them that even now - on the night of a failed road trip, a few weeks short of graduating high school - felt _real_ . 

There was so much to talk about, so much that Michelle hadn’t even considered possible that now she was reconsidering every misconception she had about the boy laying next to her.

They couldn’t start anything - not logically, not rationally. Not with Peter still dealing with the literal death of the universe. Not with the two of them going their separate ways for the summer and beyond. 

But Peter’s hand is warm and rough in hers, calloused and with enough steady pressure that Michelle thinks that maybe there were some people worth taking risks for.

Peter’s smile grows wider, squeezing her hand - communicating everything they can’t say in the moment, yet with the promise that someday - they would. 

“Yeah Ned, I know.” 


End file.
